Archive for the ‘parody’ Category

(Oh *do* shut up!)

Posted to ePlaya recently, someone commented I mean, how can you have a “green” flame thrower? Use cow farts instead of propane? “green” death camps? “green” barbie mutilation?

Bwahaha! Green death camps!

“No harsh delousing chemicals or agrobiz-tainted processed food here at Green Starvation Death Camp– inmates are staked out in the sun using fair-trade-certified 100% organic hemp and urban-wild-crafted recycled rebar. We minimize our harmful greenhouse emissions by sun-drying inmates instead of incinerating them. Inmates who ‘retire’ during the rainy season are sustainably composted, and will be reborn as fresh seasonal vegetables in our guards-only organic garden.”

They can run ads!

“Tired of being oppressed in ways that don’t match your green values? Thinking that you don’t want to risk being a peak-oil burden in a high-security deathcamp, even though you long to Act Out? Have no fear, Green Starvation Death Camp is here!

We respect your committment to green values by offering a completely sustainable deathcamp environment. Starvation diet, including water fasting, conserves our natural resources and is compatible with all vegetarian and vegan sensibilities. Persecution is performed by consenting guards with a life history of sadistic fulfillment, and all guards have full health and pension benefits, even seasonal and part-time workers. Even our pepper spray is certified 100% organic, and is delivered by an inert, ozone-safe propellant!

Act up, and get staked out! Green Starvation Death Camp needs YOU!”

… now if only I’d thought of this BEFORE we sent in our camp application!!


Read Full Post »