Relentless Inquiry

What to atone for, on this day of atonement? Some suggest that it be a day of at-one-ment, to try to rebalance and reconnect with family or friends. Others stress the guilt (not really a Jewish concept), and still others think in terms of redressing any and all wrongs that one is still able to correct. The concept of teshuvah, literally 'return', incorporates both making amends and avoiding doing the same thing again when presented with similar opportunities.

I have overcommitted myself, ignored some committments utterly, procrastinated in the face of others, and generally feel a bit overwhelmed. Unlike prior years, I didn't tell any of my clients that I'd be unavailable for YK. I felt that this year it was simply another way of hiding from the deluge.

Maybe I will stay up all night and try to dig myself out– sleep schedule already shot. A bunch of my safety nets seem to have slipped off their fishing floats, visible now only in faint phosphorescence as they sink into the depths. Wish I didn't have to get to a crisis point before asking for a boost, but everybody else I know seems to be in the same boat, so I feel like asking for some grounding and centering from the universe is out of bounds. Don't want to push any of my friends into their own crisis mode, and I'm still coping, after all.