Relentless Inquiry

[Hey, if you're reading this, you made the cut on my sex/kink, drugs, and rock-n-roll filter, a new thing here. Stuff is going on that I wanna talk about. If you don't want to read it, stay outta the cut tag, and drop me an email. How'd you get here? One or more of: we already talk about this stuff (or do it) in real life, recently or not, we keep showing up at the same parties, I'm already on your similar filter and wanted to reciprocate.. ]

I've been having a real mixed bag of experience with someone who can't seem to decide if they want to be a girlfriend, a friend, a play partner or some combination of the two. The more we talk, the more we seem to find that we're wired kind of differently. Her 'submit' triggers are so strong that any attempt to even wrestle play puts her into full-on submit mode– which is then no fun, no struggle, no intensity. She wonders why the fire goes out 'just when it's getting good'. Bah.

I've scened in passive mode for both sex and play, but not actually submitted to anyone– just taken what I wanted from what they gave, which made us all happy. And don't get me wrong, that's a ton of fun too. It's sort of switching, but not. I get an incredible feeling of power and control, and have been known to break out into exultant laughter at the magic moment. Has freaked one or two folks out, but hey, fun is fun.

Lately I'm really feeling the urge to switch, but I haven't met anyone yet in the scene who seems to have the sheer force of personality to bring that out in me. Sure, somebody could overpower me with strength or pain, but that's force, not finesse. What I want to feel is the level of respect to make the struggle worthwhile. So many dominants seem to be out to prove something to themselves, or to indulge something for themselves and just need someone to make it happen. Where is the person who truly wants to conquer by force of will, bind without cords, engage the eternal struggle with a glance?

There's this one woman who, if she focused in my direction, might bring it (and me!) off. Though about half the time being around her really pushes me into Feral Alpha mode big time. I'd love to just stand there, palm to palm, and do a stare-down with her. I don't honestly know which of us would look away first, and I'd love to know that. *Whatever* happened would be nuclear hot if she actually engaged fully.

Whew. Cold shower time!!!

I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or just rambling. Curious about other folks' switching orientations if they have 'em or want to talk about 'em.