Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Thanks, whump!

…for the pointer to ROFLBOT!
Free Image Hosting at ImageShack.us

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(Oh *do* shut up!)

Posted to ePlaya recently, someone commented I mean, how can you have a “green” flame thrower? Use cow farts instead of propane? “green” death camps? “green” barbie mutilation?

Bwahaha! Green death camps!

“No harsh delousing chemicals or agrobiz-tainted processed food here at Green Starvation Death Camp– inmates are staked out in the sun using fair-trade-certified 100% organic hemp and urban-wild-crafted recycled rebar. We minimize our harmful greenhouse emissions by sun-drying inmates instead of incinerating them. Inmates who ‘retire’ during the rainy season are sustainably composted, and will be reborn as fresh seasonal vegetables in our guards-only organic garden.”

They can run ads!

“Tired of being oppressed in ways that don’t match your green values? Thinking that you don’t want to risk being a peak-oil burden in a high-security deathcamp, even though you long to Act Out? Have no fear, Green Starvation Death Camp is here!

We respect your committment to green values by offering a completely sustainable deathcamp environment. Starvation diet, including water fasting, conserves our natural resources and is compatible with all vegetarian and vegan sensibilities. Persecution is performed by consenting guards with a life history of sadistic fulfillment, and all guards have full health and pension benefits, even seasonal and part-time workers. Even our pepper spray is certified 100% organic, and is delivered by an inert, ozone-safe propellant!

Act up, and get staked out! Green Starvation Death Camp needs YOU!”

… now if only I’d thought of this BEFORE we sent in our camp application!!

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Via fishbliss:

Um, mostly worksafe… “why are those people laughing?”

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literary pets

It just occurred to me that I want a wordlibeest, with delicate prancing hip-hip-hurrooves and a thick glossolalia coat.

Just sayin.

PS: Not to be confused with its close cousin the worldlibeest, whose coat is more who-me, with a distinct flutter, and with a touch more jaded-green to the eyes.

PPS: And if this doesn’t smoke out of the woodwork, nothing will!

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OK, so you’re a good egg, kinda like me. You can’t do the Eed Pebnista out loud either without using the Schoolhouse Rock riffs.

Let me warn you about something.

There is something worse than being unable to read Tennyson’s Lady of Shalot out loud to oneself without drifting into Loreena McKennitt.

Namely, getting about 3.5 lines into a 5 line stanza and realizing you have actually drifted into “Both Sides, Now” and can’t find your way back.

And then you start to…doubt. Now you’re singing softly to yourself. Did she do the whole poem? Do you remember? It’s all kinda background music until you get to the part you know. Was the song really that long? Don’t you wish you had it digitized, instead of in the closet somewhere in a CD notebook?

Anyway. Don’t every let ‘em tell ya that reading science fiction is uncultured. I actually found the poem because 3 lines of it are excerpted in an Eric Frank Russell story (Eustace) that I’d been reading since I was a kid. I put them into either Alta Vista or, heck, I don’t remember the other one at the moment, back in 1993 or so and found it.

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…though Robert Herrick might pass.

I love that Mike and I can start from Monty Python and end up at Ozymandias, but sometimes it’s hard to get to sleep afterwards. I was about 80% right, I forgot the stanza about ‘its sculptor well those passions read…’ like I almost always do. I wanted to look it up, and that poem that was with it in the anthology in… 4th? 5th? grade. I went through the English books fast enough that from about 3rd – 8th grade, the teachers would hand me a succession of English books that they weren’t teaching from and say, “here, read this and keep track of where we are in the regular book for when it’s your turn to read aloud.” One book had some *great* poetry in it that I remember some of still, including a piece that, thanks to the Goog, I now know is “Overheard in a Salt Marsh”. Ah, those green glass beads. Give them me.

At any rate, I ended up on a page of somebody’s syllabus, and have been poking through poetry bitz. Coleridge’s Mariner, yes, yes, and all the boreds did shriek (silently, in class) although I love the scansion. Great epic poems of the Romantic era apparently includes a lithesome, or lissome, if one prefers, ditty known as Chrisabel. This definition of ‘great’ would be directly out of The Princess Bride, as in, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” However I will forgive both naive Chrisabel and sneaky-snake Geraldine (oh! GRENDALine, my Freudian typo!) because I found this great snarkass commentary on Kublai Khan.

Q: Why a dome?

A: What?

Q: Well, it’s just that I’ve noticed that Coleridge talks about this “Pleasure Dome” thing a lot and I want to know why?

A: Maybe he couldn’t think of anything romantic that rhymed with “Love Shack.”

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My goodness, it’s SO much faster to blog at night. Of course, I ought to be asleep. But catching up on some email for a few minutes while dealing with insomnia brought me to Unwise Microwave Oven Experiments. Very inspiring. I’ll have to try some of these sometime later. Did anyone else ever make FrankenPeeps by cycling the power on a Peep in the nuker? No? Umm, err, maybe I never did either….

The lovely disclaimer (perhaps I should say the FIRST lovely disclaimer) on the site says, ” Are you a kid? Does your microwave oven belong to your parents? If so, then don’t even THINK about trying any of these experiments. I’m serious. If I wreck my microwave oven, I can buy another. Also, I’m a professional electrical engineer. I know enough physics and RF effects to take correct safety precautions when I’m experimenting. But you don’t know the precautions, so you should be smart: read and enjoy my writing, but don’t duplicate my tests unless you grow up to become an electronics tech, engineer, etc., and buy your OWN microwave oven.”

I bet they won’t listen. I would have, but then again we didn’t have a microwave when I was growing up. :-)

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